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You know when your around someone that you can’t stand to be away from and can’t show how you really feel about them you have to hold back you feelings. Sometimes the feelings are so strong you have to over compensate by making yourself feel as sedated as possible. Its like being on your guard the entire time because of you let up just a little your afraid you might show too much of yourself, too much of how really feel. Its torture when I look at it. He’s my friend and I don’t want to loose that because I don’t want loose what I got, I can’t stand not having another thing in my life that I truly want. The tragedy is that I do this for him as if he deserves it but I do it for him because it isn’t is fault.