bitter sweet (happy/ sad circle of life blog)
For those of you keeping up with the personal aspect of my blogs I have some super awesome news and some heart breaking news.
First the terrible-
After a long fight with a mystery disease I had to put my big boy Tiger to sleep. 8 vets and a specialist hospital couldn't find anything wrong with him. He was getting so frail and thin my heart would ache just looking at him. The last vet I visited only echoed what everyone else said. I was heart broken. It took about a month of me going back and forth and that last vet to finally make up my mind. He had a big juicy steak and a peanut butter goat milk smoothie. He was in heaven. It was the only meal he didn't throw up in over 3 months. I stood by him, no one deserves to die alone. I held him in my arms for a while then i let them put the anesthesia in. We sat around for a while. We went down memory lane and I asked him to please forgive me for not being able to do more. I think he understood. He looked up at me with his big brown eyes and gave me this I love you mommy look that made my heart go through a paper shredder. When he looked like he was about to go into nap mode the vet gave him a quick injection. Funny how something that looks so pretty can be so deadly. It was instant. I stayed for a solid 30 minutes after to just take it all in and get myself into a semi- okay state so i could drive home. We had him cremated and had a nice little memorial service on friday. I still come home half expecting him to be waiting at the door when i open it. At least I still have my lion and my bear.
So on to the slightly less depressing part of the blog.
My dad has made some really great progress. He told me that last week he could feel the exact moment he felt his left lung breath again. He went to the doctor yesterday and he confirmed that his body has started to regenerate healthy tissue!!! Just a few weeks ago they were talking about possibly taking out the left lobe b/c it was almost 100% tumor. I'm still walking on clouds. We hung out and just watched tv, chatted and ate dinner together. It was kinda weird. I usually only eat with his second family on holidays or birthdays. I think that made him feel better than anything else. I feel they really do accept me now and understand that all I ever wanted was to hang out with my dad. A million and one thank you's for all of those who sent him good vibes, said a little prayer or just gave me kind words of encouragement. Thank you.