blogs

Sitting on the edge of the padded rolling chair, pen in hand, resting on top of the mouse, legal pad placed just to the right of the mouse pad. The pen in hand is a must. It offers up the notion of potential energy. At any time you appear to have the chance to be compelled to jot down some bit of information found in the bowels of a company wide e-mail.

The pen is the sign of respect.

Respect to your position in this cubaffice. This façade is necessary in the act of forgoing work and, instead, perusing the internet for random facts. If any of these parts are absent, this act crumbles. If you are sitting in a reclined position, surely you can’t be truly invested in the e-mail and/or spreadsheet to which you quickly click. No, my friend, you are seen as what you are, a time thief, a minesweeper. If the pen or pad of paper is missing your ‘work ‘ will appear linear; you will be seen as a Window-pusher, strictly an e-worker.

Another important, maybe the most important, aspect of this façade is your face. This is something you need to practice at home, as the workplace is no place to master this aspect. While looking at the internet at home, survey your face. I am not talking about getting a mirror and physically looking at your face, but be mindful of the feel. Your cheeks slackened, eyes droopy, will being sucked out. Now take this information and do the complete opposite while at work. Furrow your brow, as if concerned about what you are reading. “They are doing what with what?!?!” should be the mantra floating through your head to keep up the appearance of this level of concern. Every once in a while shake your head, not so much in disgust, because this will bring attention to you and people will ask what is concerning you. No, you want to shake your head in a way that simply says “I can’t believe that, but it really doesn’t bother me that much” or “That’s a shame”. Click your tongue, as if bothered, and jot a quick note “Production meeting, 11 a.m.” or “Transfer responsibility of estimation to Janet in Accounts Receivable”, notes that appear hefty but really say nothing at all.

Another important note is to do all of these things while you are actually working, so as to appear seamless at both at work and at play.